Be The Change

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.” - Mahatma Gandhi

This quote is one of my favorite quotes and it has often been paraphrased into the more simple "Be the change you wish to see in the world." I have been told many times that people are impressed by how positive I have been through out our trials. This is a very meaningful and humbling compliment and I am glad that others see that quality in me. Whenever people ask me how I stay so positive the answer is pretty simple, I just try not to complain and be thankful for the things I do have. 

Quite a while ago I stumbled across a flow chart, probably on Pinterest but I couldn't find it again (I know, you think I would have pinned it right?!) So I made a new one that is slightly different but my philosophy on just being happy and not complaining. Here it is:

It's a little blunt and pretty straightforward but that's generally how I am. It's also pretty simple. Let me take one second to break my own rule and complain: I strongly dislike listening to people complain. If you can change it, then change it; if you can't, move on and don't complain.
When we found out James had cancer, everyone was of course very concerned about James and also about how we were all doing emotionally. I don't know if everyone just expected us to be down all the time but I felt like people kept asking me if I was ok, just so they could finally see me have a meltdown. This was the thing though, James had cancer and yes that sucks, but what can you do? We were so blessed that he felt pretty good most of the time, he stayed as healthy as possible and he came out on top in the end. So what is there to complain about? Why cry all the time when really everything was going pretty well? Sure, we could sit around and list off all of the ways it was terrible but really it was a short list, especially compared to our long list of how things were great.
Going through that also helped me truly appreciate how everything had happened the year before while going through our fertility treatments. When our first cycle didn't work I was so devastated. Looking back now though, if it had worked, our baby would have been around a year old when James started chemo. Chemo with a 4 month old wasn't too bad. Isla was easy to be babysat all day and she wasn't as busy and into everything. Isla at a year was CRAZY and into EVERYTHING! I couldn't imagine having someone else watch her all day, it would be exhausting for them, it's exhausting for me! So really, it is a good thing that we did become pregnant when we did. Things really do happen for a reason and we just need to appreciate God's timing in everything, even when we don't fully understand.
Having a positive attitude and not complaining doesn't mean letting people walk all over you though or just going with something you don't like because you don't want to voice your opinion. If you go out to eat and your food is cold, it's not a bad thing to NICELY ask for them to fix it. Asking for a simple change is way better than being unhappy with your meal or complaining the whole time that it isn't that great.
It also doesn't mean being fake happy either. You can still be sad, you can still cry, but not all the time. Sometimes people thought that just because I was being positive about our situation I was just covering up how broken I really was. Trust me, I cried when we found out James had cancer, I was terrified of the unknown. I cried when his hair fell out, I was sad that he now looked like he had cancer. Then I became educated about his cancer, I found out that it's highly curable, I learned that the side effects of his treatment were very treatable so he would feel ok, it wasn't the unknown and that made me feel better. That was my change. When his hair fell out I also realized that I think my husband is pretty sexy no matter how his hair is and that a smile makes you look less like a cancer patient and more like another bald guy.
The "Happiness Flowchart" I keep in my head really puts things in perspective for me. If I'm happy, what is there to complain about? If I can change something, then I need to just do it, no one else can or should do it for me! If I can't change what's making me unhappy, then why dwell on it. If there is truly nothing I can do to improve the situation then I need to move on and not let it get me down.
This is my list of good and bad that I've seen in my life the past few years:

Bad:
Infertility
Cancer
Parent's divorce

Good:
Isla
James
Medical school
Financial stability
Additional financial support for fertility treatments
Healthy family
Amazing friends
New business adventures
Living in a beautiful place
Personal growth
Spiritual growth
We appreciate each other more
Parents are remarried to each other and happier than before
Our free IVF cycle!!!

I could really go on and on with my good list if I listed every small detail that I love about my life but we would be here all day. At the end of the day when I say my prayers before bed, I always try to thank my Heavenly Father for more things than I ask Him to bless me with. It really helps remind me that I have been given so much and I really don't need much more.

Really, how could anyone complain with these two in their life?