Why don't you just adopt?

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this question. As you face the challenges of infertility this is something that constantly crosses your mind and is a much more difficult question than "Why don't you 'just' adopt?" This is why, because there is no "just" about it.
I come from a very blended family. I have 25 cousins, of those, 11 of them are either adopted, step, or children of my dad's half siblings and the other 14 are "biologically" my cousins. That is my normal. Every single one of them are 100% my family and I'm so glad that I have each of them in my life. Because of this, I have always thought adoption would be a great way to add to our family, someday. But why not now?
Adoption is expensive, this isn't the Old Testament people, no one is floating me a baby down the river free of charge. The average cost of a domestic adoption is about $32,000. So when people ask why we're saving for IVF instead of "just" adopting, I don't know if they fully realize the cost of adopting is basically the same and sometimes more than IVF.
IVF is a very emotional journey, but adopting isn't an easy thing. With pregnancy you risk miscarriage, but with adoption you have to factor in that this mom can change her mind even after you've brought the baby home. This doesn't happen often, but it terrifies me to think that I can fall in love with my sweet baby and then give it back. I don't know if I can handle the emotional ups and downs of adoption, of waiting, of failed adoptions, of not getting chosen, and everything else.
Adoption is a long a difficult process. There are health exams, home studies, state regulations, agency regulations... The list goes on and on. To be honest, I don't even know if we would qualify at this moment with James' health.
As you can see, there really is no "just" about it. IVF and adoption are both expensive, emotional, and difficult. But really we're pursuing IVF now instead of adoption because that what we feel is best for us right now. Whenever I ask people why they chose to adopt, they tell me they felt it was the right thing for them to do at that time, they felt an urgency to pursue it. Our decisions haven't been made lightly. The thoughts, prayers, and research, mostly the praying, that we've done has given us the urgency to pursue IVF this time around. We hope that we get to have a big family and we know that God has a plan to get those sweet spirits into our home and our hearts somehow... Deciphering that plan is really the hardest part...